At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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