I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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