i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
