I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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