i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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