Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my moral compass just broke
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