Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They have beer where we have blood.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
