So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
