I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla