I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here