I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.