fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
