I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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