I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
