1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
