it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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