That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
