get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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