Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
