my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My feet surprised me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
