I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
