do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
