Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
