i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
