you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
