You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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