God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
