never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my shit smells like andre
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
