When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
