I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
