the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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