i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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