you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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