I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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