sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
