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I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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