And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
