i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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