I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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