Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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