Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this boner is exhausting
sarcasm needs its own font
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
