whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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