He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
