my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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