He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
