I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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