morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
