Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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