i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
