so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
