So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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