I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
