It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
