The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How does one acquire holy water?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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