I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
