my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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