I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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