A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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