i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
