Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
