He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
