I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize