Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
