I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
