I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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