I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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