Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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