i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn victory sex feels great
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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