Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize